The Language Barrier
English is not an easy language. Something that’s close to what you might want to say could mean something completely different. Here are some actual things spoken or written by foreigners who are a little rusty on their English.
"Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose." - A sign in a Swiss hotel.
"Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time." - A sign in a laundry in Rome.
"Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11am daily." - A sign in a hotel in Athens.
"Please waste." - Signs on trash cans in an amusement park in Osaka, Japan.
"Specialist in women and other diseases." - A sign outside of Roman doctor’s office.
"Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar." - A sign in a Norwegian cocktail lounge.
"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid." - A sign in a Japanese hotel.
"Deposit: The owner asks for a deposit of 25.000 ptas as a guarantee for the flat. This amount will be returned at the end of your stay if any damage has been done." - A sign in a Spanish hotel.
"Please to bathe inside the tub." - A sign in a Japanese hotel room.
"Members and non-members only." - A sign outside Mexico City’s Mandinga Disco in the Hotel Emporio.
Funny Movie Facts
Some things you would never know without the movies:
- Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
- A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK stadium.
- Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
- It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will patiently attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
- When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
- No-one ever involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
- Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
- Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
- Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment that it is aired.
A great writer
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
Loud, mad, or sad
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.
Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
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