How woman think

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD
At some point in the near future you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"

Dammit...accidentally deleted all my stories...=.=

朋友寄了一封mail給我主題是"大陸地區農村為小孩命名的原則"
他們認為把小孩取比較不起眼的名字（俗稱賤名） 比較好養 不會夭折
這套民間法則根據陽曆的出生月份和日期起名字

來!!!!我們開始吧!!!!!!

月份：

1月：長 2月：栓 3月：大 4月：來 5月：狗 6月：守

7月：傻 8月：福 9月：屎 10月：二 11月：胖 12月：臭

日期：

1娟 　2妮　3腿　4娣　5球　6坑　7年　8歲　9娃　10毛

11剩　12姑　13英　14妹　15肥　16霞　17狗　18虎　19花　20鳳

21村　22蛋　23妞　24牛　25木　26翠　27愛　28財　29石

30美麗　31發


我叫長肥...:/

2月30日 星期一 晴-

今天一天都没有出太阳，真不好，爸爸买回两条金鱼，养在水缸淹死一条，我很伤心。-

老师评语：我也很伤心，我活了这么大，2月还从来没有遇上过一个30号呢！也从来没有见过不出太阳的晴天，更没见过会淹死的金鱼。-

１.题目：一边……一边……-

小朋友写：他一边脱衣服，一边穿裤子。-

老师批语：他到底是要脱还是要穿啊？-

２.题目：其中-

小朋友写：我的其中一只左脚受伤了。-

老师批语：你是蜈蚣吗？-

３.题目：陆陆续续-

小朋友写：下班了，爸爸陆陆续续的回家了。-

老师批语：你到底有几个爸爸呀？-

４.题目：难过-

小朋友写：我家门前有条水沟很难过。-

老师批语：老师更难过。-

５.题目：又……又……-

小朋友写：我的妈妈又矮又高又胖又瘦。-

老师批语；你的妈妈是变形金钢吗？-

６.题目：你看-

小朋友写：你看什么看！没看过啊-

老师批语：没看过-

7.题目：欣欣向荣-

小朋友写：欣欣向荣荣告白。-

老师批语：连续剧不要看太多了！-

８.题目：好吃-

小朋友写：好吃个屁。-

老师批语：有些东西是不能吃的。-

９.题目：天真-

小朋友写：今天真热。-

老师批语：你真天真。-

10.题目：果然-

小朋友写：昨天我吃水果，然后喝凉水。-

老师批语：是词-

11.题目：先……再……，例题：先吃饭，再冼澡。-

小朋友写：先生，再见！-

老师批语：想像力超过了地球人的智慧。-

12.题目：况且-

小朋友写：一列火车经过，况且况且况且况且况且况-

老师批语：我死了算了

一位女子，開出徵婚條件有兩點：

1. 要帥
2. 要有車

電腦去幫她搜尋，結果——象棋


這位女子，不服搜出的結果又輸入：

1. 要有漂亮的房子
2. 要有很多錢

電腦去幫她再次搜尋的結果——銀行

此女子仍然不失望，繼續輸入條件

1. 要長得酷
2. 又要有安全感

結果搜出的結果是——奧特曼 (Ultraman)


那個女孩決定最後來一次，把剛才所有的條件一起輸入了電腦。

最後電腦顯示——奧特曼在銀行裡下象棋

超好笑的肯德基廣告翻譯
一中學老師把 KFC 肯德基店裏的廣告
「 We do chicken right！ 」
發給學生練習翻譯，結果得出以下答案

01. 我們做雞是對的！
02. 我們就是做雞的！
03. 我們有做雞的權利！
04. 我們只做雞的右半邊！
05. 我們只作右邊的雞！
06. 我們可以做雞，對吧？
07. 我們行使了雞的權利！ !
08. 我們主張雞權！
09. 我們還是做雞好！
10. 做雞有理！
11. 我們讓雞向右看齊！
12. 我們只做正確的雞！
13. 我們肯定是雞！
14. 只有我們可以做雞！
15. 向右看！有雞！
16. 我們要對雞好！
17. 我們願意雞好！
18. 我們的材料是正宗的雞肉！
19. 我們公正的做雞！
20. 我們做雞正點耶～～
21. 我們只做正版的雞！
22. 我們做雞做的很正確！
23. 我們正在做雞好不好？
24. 我們一定要把雞打成右派！
25. 我們做的是右派的雞！
26. 我們只做右撇子雞！
27. 我們做雞最專業！
And, of course, the most creative one is.....
28. 我們叫雞有理！

正確答案是：
「 We do chicken right！ 」（我们是烹雞專家！）