Diary of a Teacher / 200x English Language O Level Oral Exam Invigilator
Day 1:
I was sent to a private school this time. It was the first time that the school was being used as an exam centre and boy did it show. The head had no idea what was going on and was almost having a panic attack.
It was shocking conducting the exam there because the students were really… out of this world. They were mostly foreign students and they came with neon pink nails, long hair, heavily lined eyes and I’m talking about the boys.
ANYWAY, the exam was really bad. The kids had no structure and probably no idea what was expected of them. I don’t think their school prepared them very well at all.
- Question: Is society responsible for creating selfish people?
1. Yes. All work and no play makes Jack a dill boy. Society is all work, and it is not easy to mix with colleges and pursuit your boss.
2. I think it’s important to be kind and friendly cos like you know, the girls would like you. Cos like maybe even Paris Hilton would like you if you were a polite guy, you know?
- Me: Tell me about your favourite toy when you were young.
1. Student: Oh, I like beer.
Me: Beer? We’re asking you about your favourite toy.
Student: Yes, beer. I love beer. So furry, the beer.
Me: !?!?!?!
Student: You know, the beer, the teddy beer.
2. Oh, my favourite toy is the carrot car.
(I didn’t know what the carrot car was. We tried asking him but he just kept saying carrot car and ‘because is nice to play’ so I still don’t know what carrot car is.)
3. I have many toes at home. I can’t choose my favourite toe! I think if I have to choose, it will be the toe my mother gave me.
1. I think the girl has some problem opening the present properperly because the present is properperly buckerly. (probably bulky)
2. The two boys look alike. But that’s because all Chinese look alike. (Coming from a PRC chap…)
3. Oh I can safely say that this picture was taken at a pretoddler school.
4. In the maximum right of the picture I can see… (and student went on to cover the maximum left, bottom and top of the picture too)
‘The school where Mrs Lim and Mrs Dharma work has started a new campaign’
One kid read: The school where Mrs Lim and Mrs Dharma work has started a nude campaign.
- Question: Is it important to maintain a healthy lifestyle?
1. I try to eat a healthy rage of food.
2. I eat, without lefting any vegetables.
3. If we don’t eat balanced meals, our birdies will become very weak.
4. There is panties of time for me to improve my lifestyle, I don’t need to start now.
5. I am joy vegetables and fruits.
6. We can drink more water butter water from the water butter.
- Question: What can we do to help the less fortunate?
1. The poo people cannot buy food because they are poo and so we can help by giving them some money so they won’t be so poo.
2. For example, Breadtalk give their leftover bread to the elderly in the orphanage.
3. In some world, education is good. In some world, it is jungle. They are not fortunate like us in some world, is building.
4. We can sign up in countries that have naturally disasters.
- Question: What is your favourite dish?
1. I like laksa only in Malaysia because Malaysia laksa has more material inside.
2. Singapore food is really bad. Only China food is good. (when asked what was the difference) Oh, different is because in China we eat rice, vegetables and meat.
3. (background: my co-examiner was an indian lady) Oh I like many food.
I like chinese chicken rice *looks at me*
and indian rojak *looks at co-examiner*
because both *looks at both of us* are very nice.
Chinese chicken rice *looks at me* is delicious
and indian rojak *looks at co-examiner* is marvellous.
4. And then there was the kid who dramatically did a *head-desk* after every section or question.
Day 2:
- Question: What do you think of the weather in Singapore ?(DUH!?!!?!?!?!?!?!)
1. It is hot, it is cold. Then it is cold and it is hot.
2. It is sometimes rain so I have to shaking my bag to shake if I have my umbrella.
3. Singapore is a chopical country and there is sometimes heavy rain and flucking.
4. I don’t like weather in Singapore . Make my nose stucking and I cannot breathe. China is better. (I was this close to yelling GO HOME!! HUI JIA!! BALIK KAMPONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO HOME TO YOUR RICE WITH MEAT AND VEGETABLES!!!)
5. After a hot holiday, a cold holiday will come.
6. I like Singapore because we can breathly freshly.
7. I like breeze in Singapore because I like to get blown.
- Question: Tell me about a time you were caught in a dangerous situation because of the weather.
1. Sometimes the wind is so strong, the umbrella will fly me away.
2. Student: Once, it was raining heavily and my bus was stuck in a f**k.
Me: Flood.
Student: Yes, f**k. The f**k took very long to go away.
Me: How long were you stuck in the FLOOD?
Student: We were in the f**k for about 3 hours until someone rescued us from the f**k. We sat on a boat and rowed away in the f**k.
3. There are parts in Singapore with no sunlight and it is SHROUDED (said very loudly) in darrrrrknesssss.
- Question: How important are environmental issues to you?
1. Very important as carbon dioxide is needed for trees.
2. It’s important so that we can have a picnic on the bitch.
- Question: What can young people do to persuade governments to take care of the environment for future generations?
And then we had a PRC girl who read like Darth Vader. In French. I really had NO IDEA what she was talking about.
The picture section was of a bus stuck in a flood with people helping to push it. When asked what he thought the bus driver might be thinking about:
Student: Nothing.
Me: Well, I’m sure he’s thinking of something because he has a very serious expression on his face. Would you like to try to guess what he is thinking about?
Student: Nothing. Because if he can think, he won’t be a bus driver.
